Published: December 2007

Surviving the Holidays in a Stepfamily!

The holidays will soon be upon us and are supposed to be a joyous time shared with family and friends. In stepfamilies, however, multiple schedules, uncooperative former spouses, angry stepchildren, etc. can cause undue stress and conflict. This can ruin the family’s celebration and cause hurtful feelings. Holiday celebrations can be less stressful by following a few suggestions.

1. Plan ahead: Start now to plan when, where, and who will participate in the holiday activities.
   
   
2. Be flexible: Focus on the meaning of the holiday and getting to be with the ones you love rather than on the official date. Remember that December 25th is a date, Christmas is a holiday.
   
   
3. Lower expectations, Honor realities: For those in a new stepfamily, the challenges of the holidays can be frustrating and lead to disappointment. The reality is that your family has changed and you have to change your expectations to meet those changes.
   
   
4. Respect loyalties: Until stepgrandparents develop a relationship with the new children, they may give unequal gifts and special treatment to their biological grandchildren. Talk to the children, helping them not to feel left out.
   
   
5. Be creative: Rather than expecting to have everything as it once was, talk to family members to explore which traditions from both families should be kept because they have special meanings. Then work to create new traditions that will become your family’s special memories.
   
   
6. Have patience with the process: Becoming a stepfamily takes time, a lot more than most people realize. So relax and take one day at a time. We hope that you and your family have a wonderful holiday season filled with joy, love, and peace.

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